Laying Low
by Edgymcedgelord
Summary: Neo was a gleeful assassin, until she was cast adrift by that Witch's plan.Time for her ultimate backup plan. Candy's the ice cream parlor and soda shop, the place her mother had started. Too bad those Beacon brats took a liking to it once she had the grand reopening. (Rated M for some Adult content and lots of foul language)
1. Where Nobody Knows Your Name

Edgy here,

Welcome to my first multi-chapter fic.

I'll be updating this once a month and I am contemplating making my previous one-shot into a series. The Plot bunnies will not stop and I have a couple of other stories planned out, but for now I'll be starting small.

Keep in mind this story has some adult themes and cursing galore. The characters should not be too OOC, just keep in mind whose head we are in at the time. Ships, both crack and otherwise abound.

**DISCLAIMER**

I DO NOT OWN RWBY. It is the creation of Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.

D D /\/\ C C

Neo was a gleeful assassin, until she was cast adrift by the death of Roman Torchwick. That Little Red girl had dropped her off of that sinking airship. Truthfully she didn't care that Roman died. He was an ass and it was his fault she had gotten caught up in the stupid genocidal plan anyway. She certainly hadn't wanted to get involved with that crazy fire witch or the naive Fang idiots.

Nah, she needed to lay low. You'd think that would be easy for a girl with an illusion semblance and who everyone thought was mute. But nooooooo. After Red sent Cinder running away extra crispy for trying to kill her friend and that bullheaded edgelord tried to suck up a little too much juice from the girl who was literally a kinetic energy battery and fried his brain, she figured a holiday from murder and mayhem was in order. But how to make a living and have murder-level fun while at the same time not drawing attention to herself.? Simple. She went back to the family business. Candy's the ice cream parlor and soda shop, the place her mother had started. Too bad those Beacon brats took a liking to it once she had the grand reopening.

D D /\/\ C C

The day of the grand reopening was fun to plan but a nightmare to execute. The primary troublesome idiot among all the troublesome idiots that showed up that day was Pyrrha freakin' Nikos. Yeah, I'm sure most businesses owners would be outright thrilled for a celebrity to show up on opening day. Of course, when you are trying to keep your nose clean so no one realizes that you are the most accomplished assassin since Marcus Black, and by accomplished I mean my murder-death-kill count is the population of a medium town, you see the dilemma.

Wondergirl walked in the door right after the first dinner rush. She had him in tow. I'd seen him before, fighting with his team at the tournament. And by fighting with his team I mean arguing about strategy in the middle of a bout,while shouting at each other, and the other team.

Yea it's just as hilarious as it sounds.

When they went to sit down he pulled her chair out like a gentleman and she giggled. I mean I like sweet things but this shit gave me cavities. A girl like that hooking up with a blonde boytoy was sure to bring all sorts of slimy types crawling out of the woodwork. And just like I thought within 15 minutes of them entering a couple of characters decided to sit down at the table across from them. Yeah people that think trench coats and sunglasses are inconspicuous give us mistresses of disguise a bad name. The couple of Hunter morons were sharing a root beer float I had made.

SHARING! Damn kids and their lovey dovey communist… Anyway.

So these two shademeisters are slyly sneaking pictures of the teens. And by sneaking I mean unnecessary 12 inch telephoto lens DSLR in full view under the table. More importantly they hadn't bought anything. That will not stand.

I put on my sweetest non-predatory smile and wagged my hips over to the table.

"Can I get you gentlemen anything?"

The one with his collar popped answered "Nah, we're just resting for a bit. "

I made a sappy inquisitive face. "Oh really what have you boys been up to? ~"

The other one gave a grimace, like thinking that hard made him constipated. "We, uh just came from Junior's."

Popped Collar jumped in "Yeah, you know night on the town."

I pressed my palms to my face in scandalous surprise. "Oh my it's nice to see two men so out and proud. Junior said that he hoped his Gay Night Out Wednesday would be a success. And look at you two. I think that you just look perfect together. Since you haven't ordered yet you guys should go walk down by the pier. It's sooooooooooooo romantic there. "

I pulled Popped Collar out of his chair and towards the door in a friendly, enthusiastic, insistent way. His finger must have slipped and triggered the camera causing a loud whirring and hissing that drew the attention of the teens. I threw PC out the door and into the street and pushed his buddy out behind him. The guy tripped and the camera shattered before sliding into the storm drain.

"Have fun! Wear protection! "

Popped Collar shook his head. "What?!... No I don't…"

"OK ride him bareback I don't care. Just have fun and come back soon~"

I turned back around to see the kids looking at me wide-eyed. I pointed my thumb at the door. "What?Those guys were deadbeats." I remarked flatly.

Nikos gets up and grabs me by the shoulders with her man hands. "Thank you so much." she smiled at me all teary-eyed. She pulled me in for a backpopping hug.

"ergh.. Just making sure my customers are well cared for." I squeaked out.

That was the start of all my problems. And how I eventually wound up finding that love is slightly more satisfying than murder.

D D /\/\ C C

The next day was just as irritating. Red and her teammates BroodyNeko, Bazongas, and Icecrazy had commandeered a corner booth. They were paying customers so I tolerated the chatter. Red was stuffing her maw with cookie dough ice cream while looking like she just woke up. Whitey got an Atlas parfait and was trying her best to stay out of Red's splash zone. Bazongas was having a handmade Choco taco and Kitkat had a bowl of Dulce de leche. Blondie kept making incredibly overt comments like asking Kitkat if she wants a "lick of her taco." They really should just fuck already and get it over with.

Just not on my tables.

Anywho, things got interesting when some blue haired sleazebag came in chatting up a purple haired chick. He was followed by a blonde guy that looked like a more fit and confident version of Nikos' boy toy and who was rolling his eyes behind his friends back. The abs on display were decent, the tail was good for the kink of it but the forlorn gazes at KitKat told me there was a story there. Blueboy was really laying it on thick. Between the subtle touches and the peacocking, this guy screamed pickup artist. The girl was smiling and blushing until all of the sudden she gave a shiver and her teeth started chattering. The not so subtle glyph beneath her feet told me the culprit as I looked up to see Whitey with the iciest glare I had ever seen. The boy looked at the spinning snowflake on the ground, his eyes going wide and slowly panned the the room to meet a gaze that could chill forty types of gelato instantly.

"Heeeeeeey… Snow Angel. Fancy meeting you here."

Ooooh… someone was in trouble. I guess Blueboy and Whitey were a thing.

"Neptune, what have I told you?"

The white girl grit out between clenched teeth.

Blueboy grimaced and then sighed out "Schnee property does not stray far from it's owner or there are consequences."

"Good boyfriend. Now I must…. What is that turn of phrase Yang?"

Bazongas replies " I believe the phrase you are looking for is 'Smackdown a bitch.'"

"Ah, yes. After all, I cannot have some trollip sully my prope...I mean my boyfriend." She said as she slowly approached the shivering girl. The purple haired chick bolted. Whitey followed, busting the door off its hinges on the way out.

I'm billing the SDC for that, damnit.

D D /\/\ C C

Once the doorframe stopped rattling, Blueboy and his Brah sat down at the other end of the counter. I went to take their order because if they were staying, they were paying. Now both of them were sitting with their heads in their hands trying to ignore the rest of the Icebitch's team. I noticed that Cowtits started some serious PDA with the Cat girl. The Arctic Monkey duo both gave the girls jealous glances.

I took pity on them "You want me to get out the hose and separate them? "I asked.

They both gave a start, the playboy lost his grip on his head and it slammed down into the counter knocking him out. Karma was satisfied. Abs-with-a-tail showed wide eyes and then a weak smirk.

"I don't think either of them need help getting wet. " he quipped. Damn, like I thought, Cowtits was flaunting her girlfriend to the hetero she beat out.

"Well ice cream is my forte, but liquor is quicker. Both are good ways to celebrate being runner up. " I said nodding to the bottles behind me.

"Damn, I thought I was being subtle. Is it that obvious? " he sighed rubbing the back of his head.

The deadpan look I gave him nearly cracked when he met my eyes and then not-so-subtly arched his neck to look over the unconscious Blueboy at the softcore lesbian floorshow going on in the corner booth.

Again the mute act was good for my old job, but it felt good to be able verbally spar with a somewhat amusing opponent. "Are you going to order something or should I just sell you a ticket? " I asked Monkeyboy.

He just shrugged and said "Anything with bananas in is fine. "

I gave a mischievous smirk "Coming right up. "

I worked behind the counter putting together his order. I'm sure he saw me pulling out the bottle and maybe saw the lighter.

I served him the dish with a flourish."Ta-Daaaah~" It had three bananas heaped with a scoop each of Chocolate, Strawberry and Vanilla ice cream and drowned in Kahlua chocolate liqueur. The sparklers and Gummibears topped it off.

He looked at me derisively "Woah, how am I supposed to eat all that? "

"With a spoon, " I said pulling out a dessert spoon. "It"ll take the edge off. "

He raised an eyebrow then shrugged his shoulders and dug in. "Damn this is really good what do you call it? "

"That is Candy's Signature Triple Booznana Split, " I paused while he took a bite. 3,2,1.

"The most expensive Item on the menu."

He coughed and choked before sputtering, "But, Why? "

"I believe your order was 'anything with bananas'. It's not my fault you weren't specific."I reminded him. He went back to eating in a huff.

By the time he finished his blue haired friend was groggily raising his head. Monkeyboy slid the empty dish in front of the guy.

"Ugh, Sun what happened? " the playboy slurred.

Monkeyboy gave him a shit-eating grin "Weiss caught you chatting up that Nebula girl and kicked your ass, you ate that whole banana split in a pussy whipped daze and now you have to pay the bill. " He held up the cheque sporting a five digit total.

"Damn that's my whole allowance from Weiss this week. Did I at least enjoy it? " Bluewonder asked while pulling out a stack of Lien.

"It took the edge off." Sun replied sharing a smirk with me.

"NEPTUNE!" came the harpy shriek from outside.

Blueboy and his friend left in a hurry, forgiven for being an unconscious waste of space by being an unwitting heavy tipper.

*CRASH*

"Alright you two, get a damn room! This is a family establishment! " I yelled at the tangle of yellow and black in the corner.

Cowtits yelled "But you sell liquor! "

Red shook out of her shell shocked state, like this wasn't the worst she'd ever seen from her team. " But Yang, Uncle Qrow always says family restaurants wouldn't survive without booze. "

I just sighed and went to get the hose and maybe a crowbar.

D D /\/\ C C

AN

I hope you enjoy my characterization of a Neo who talks. It has always been my headcanon that she could speak but chose not to in order to make herself more enigmatic. Also if she was always going around with a subtle illusion around herself she could easily drop everything and resume her civilian identity rather than building a fake one.

Anyway, some foreshadowing in this chapter and a good idea of how Neo perceives the world. Expect some change of perspectives in the next couple of chapters.

Thank you for reading.

Review, Fav and Follow if you want more!

-Edgy


	2. Three's a Crowd

Edgy here,

So I was suddenly inspired for a chapter here. I doubt updates will come this fast in the future but I'll post them as I feel they're ready. Yes, There is an overarching plot. With this one I'm throwing out Easter Eggs like the week after the first full moon following the Vernal Equinox.

I Hope you like my new line breaks, I was inspired.

As always keep in mind this story has some adult themes and cursing galore. The characters should not be too OOC, just keep in mind whose head we are in at the time. Ships, both crack and otherwise abound.

**DISCLAIMER**

I DO NOT OWN RWBY. It is the creation of Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.

_*bana\na*

Chapter 2 : Three's a Crowd

She was doing it again.

I had found it funny at first. When my friend thought that social engineering could bring him from a nerdy, excuse me, " intellectual," guy to a ladies' man at Beacon, I had just smiled and nodded along to the blue-haired boys reasoning. I had decided that as a test of my partner's "skills" was in order. So, when my team had finally gotten here for the Vytal Festival, I decided I would introduce my partner to the people I had met on my *Ahem* .."reconnaissance" trip.

SO much regret, and yet I feel he earned his current predicament.

I am talking about how Neptune attracted THE most possessive girlfriend on Remnant, Weiss Schnee. Neptune's little system hadn't been working for him up until he used that terrible line on her. "I don't believe I've caught YOUR name Snow Angel."

Who the fuck would think that would work?

By some freakin' miracle she actually was interested. Then at the dance that Arc dude pushed Neptune to break his "system" and actually follow up on his flirting. I never got the full story of what happened that night, since I had my own Kitty to woo, but ever since she's taken to being around when he tries talk to another chick. I think he either had a boost of confidence once he'd had some success, or more likely the Girlchat around Beacon saw him as desirable since the Schnee only want the best. Having the Ice Queen always showing up to smite my partner's prospective conquests really put a damper on our Bro time.

Then the Vytal Festival happened.

Between the destruction and the near disaster we felt lucky to be alive. Then Jacques Schnee showed up demanding Weiss's return to Atlas. She literally dragged Neptune to the airship docks and declared she could not leave as she had found a suitable match and had to stay to be courted and eventually betrothed. Her father had inspected my partner like cattle, even going so far as to pry his lips up and examine his teeth. The Schnee patriarch had turned to his daughter and said. "Good work, he shall do nicely. You have my permission to proceed."

_*bana\na*

Now, here I am watching my sad excuse for a Bro being fitted for a suit of clothes, complements of his "Snow Angel." All the while, our plans to go see the Spruce Willis movie the Swarovski Brothers had made, loosely based on the Battle of Beacon, were quickly dying.

"Hey Nep, wanna ditch outta here and see if we can get in at Junior's early?"

Neptune was standing on the tailor's platform, arms out, being measured and decked in different fabrics across his body. The colors were all white or blue but the tailor guy and Weiss kept throwing out names like "Flax" and "Camellia." While they were occupied discussing how to best make my buddy look like a buffed pillar of salt I got my whispered response.

"Sun, man, after what happened at the ice cream place she's staking her claim. I'm like 'this' close to third base."

"DO NOT MOVE!" Yelled both Weiss and the tailor as Neptune made a move to show me just where he was on a scale of virgin to blue balls with the heiress.

"Whatever, man. I can't take it in here. I'm gonna run down to the street market. Shoot me a message when you're done with your makeover." I said over my shoulder, swinging away on the curtain rod from what was sure to be another of his "cool guy" smiles.

If only I didn't know that he had practiced that smile in the mirror for a year and a half to get it "just right.

_*bana\na*

My intention was to go to the street market, maybe catch the banana guy with a distraction for a snack. I couldn't help but ruminate as I walked though.

OK, so maybe I feel a bit bitter about being a third wheel, but if Nep thinks he has what he wants then who am I to judge. I mean, hell, all the girls I go after all seem to walk the other side of the street, if you get my drift. There was that girl I met in Mistral, Eliza or something. Then the transfer student at Haven named after some gem. Anyway, it seems like I'm 0 for 3 with Blake.

At least I was right, she is into blonds.

I'm just wandering around town really and my stomach grumbles reminding me it has been a couple hours since I ate. I see that ice cream place in the distance and think "What the hell? I can burn it off with training later."

_*bana\na*

The little bell above the door tinkled as I walk in to Candy's. While my first experience here was a mixed bag, I'd say it made an alright hangout. The ice cream display counter was at the front by the left wall. The register and prep station wrapped around the corner. The counter stopped about a third of the way and opened to a hallway marked as going to the bathrooms, kitchen and storage.

The right side was where I headed, a good old fashioned soda jerk counter and bar with a cut out to the kitchen. I sat down and sighed to myself admiring the stool's comfort.

"Mmmm, Mistralian leather." I hummed.

The seats were new, just plush enough and with a dip in the seat to account for Faunus appendages. That's when you knew a place was really Faunus friendly, hard stools and solid-backed chairs were as much a deterrent to Faunus patronage as "store dogs," those ostensibly friendly store mascots usually trained to sniff out and harass Faunus.

The booths were that way too, with recesses between the top and bottom cushions. I scanned the room, specifically the round booth in the corner that had been all but claimed by Blake's team.

I guess they were out doing whatever or back at Beacon.

It had been almost 8 months since the Battle of Beacon and school was back in session. All the buildings had been repaired and the Grimm numbers were getting back under control. Nikos had taken a beating, but Ruby Rose pulled out some hat trick that stopped the bigass Grimm dragon and sent that Cinder babe and the rest running. It took them a month and some dust high explosives to chip the big bastard off of Beacon tower.

Then there was the White Fang. They were sent running with tails tucked. But, the real kicker came when the main CCT came back online a few days later. Blake's parents showed up, having seen video posted of Blake fighting Adam.

Let it be said, that when in a dangerous situation some idiot will always feel the need to pull out their scroll and begin recording.

They had seen it all, Adam stabbing Blake, baiting Yang, him being utterly annihilated by trying to block a punch that had the amplified force of all the hits she had taken in the middle of a goddamn free-for-all shitfight melee with emotional baggage and rage hotter than ten thousand burning suns on top.

Fucking idiot. They only found his Trenchcoat and horns.

Ghira Belladonna had thanked Yang for saving his daughter and getting rid of "that bullheaded boy, who defiled my little kitten." Her Mom just stood there smiling while Yang drooled at her mumbling about cougars. Blake gushed about her partner and surprised her parents by laying a kiss on the blonde girl that certainly said,"More than friends."

If I had known this was a "kill all her evil exs to win her heart" deal I might have known not to get my hopes up. As it stood I thought maybe she might have given me a chance now that she had some closure,ya'know. I mean, we had fun at the dance and I was a perfect gentleman even during the hot make out session in the broom closet.

Blake changed quite a bit that day. At first, it was subtle glances and less space between them when sitting at lunch, progressing to laughing at her partner's puns and hand holding. Then, one day I saw them on campus and it was like they were about to maul each other in the best of ways.

"If it weren't for the hair and clothes I'd have to throw that face out of here. I have a "No Emos" policy ya'know"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. The waitress from before was standing over me with a teasing smirk.

I gave a weak smirk of my own "Well I also don't have some squeaky voice and red fur."

She snorted, "That's Elmo but, yeah, so I'll go with the cliche bartender line and say 'Why the long face?' But also, order or get out."

I glanced up at the colorful chalkboard above the kitchen portal. What I had last time was too rich for my blood so I took in the simpler fare. "I'll take a Banana Daiquiri Smoothie, tulip glass, heavy on the rum."

She nodded and began mixing the drink. She actually filled the whole blender and made a pitcher, covering the top with cling wrap and putting it in the cooler after pouring mine.

"Hey, now, I only ordered one. And I specifically said a tulip glass. One!" I indicated with my tail.

"I'm hedging my bets." She shrugged with a sly smile. She sat the drink in front of me. "So, business is slow right now and I am bored. Entertain me with your woes."

"I suppose this is where I say something like, 'You wouldn't understand.' but, shit, I guess it couldn't hurt." I rolled my shoulders.

"It all started before the festival when I occupied some unused space on a boat to get here early…"

"So you stowed away." She quipped.

"Hey, I'm the one telling the story here. Anyway, when the ship docked I got chased by these really rude crew guys…"

_*bana\na*

It was a Thursday afternoon. I hate Thursdays. Business was slow and I could only do inventory, clean the display, threaten the suppliers and water down the liquor so many times before I got bored. I definitely was not sampling the goods when Monkeyboy showed up.

I subtly encouraged him to buy something or get the hell out. I also noticed his stupid face looked like someone had stabbed his cat. Oh,wait.

Once I got him talking I realized that he had a Vaccuo accent. But not just any accent he had definitely been a street kid. The way he cut off his g's. The way he spoke with his hands. It gave away his origins.

I interrupted at the most inappropriate spots in his story, but listened all the same. It was unsurprising that while Torchdick featured in his story, not a mention of me was found.

He really should get over that Cat chick. Get himself a bunny girl. I had seen one in here the other day. Eh, nope, now I remember the walking wall she was clinging to. How the hell would that work anyway? It doesn't seem physically possible.

Damn, I stopped listening. Looks like he's winding down, better reengage the conversation. Maybe I could glean the point from his last couple of sentences.

"... So I left Neptune getting his Schnee makeover and realized I am, like, the third wheel for every one of my social circles right now. What the hell am I supposed to do?" He ended his rant by throwing his arms in the air.

I looked at his empty glass debating what to say. Especially with the part where Blueberry was being used as a life sized dress up doll/ human pet by the Schnee girl. That was both sad and extremely fucking hilarious. This called for something special. The streets were dead and besides, I had turned a tidy profit this week. I lifted the hinged countertop, and pushed past the swinging doors to the other side of the counter. I turned off the open sign and flipped the placard on the door from "Come Scream for Ice Cream" to "Go Home and Chill."

I walked back across the dining area and behind the counter again, grabbed the pitcher and another tulip glass, and went to sit on the stool beside the blond. He was looking at me like I was about to rob him. Oh, the irony.

I poured a glass of the smoothie daiquiri for each of us, added a slice of banana to his and a pink umbrella to mine, then spoke, " You sound like a man in serious need of getting super faded, blackout, extra sloppy drunk." I kept a deadpan serious face." I am Minty Altertouri, and as your payment for my booze you will entertain me with more of your stupid stories that I will make fun of you for, deal?"

He tried to look incredulous but the corners of his lips tugged upwards. "They are not stupid stories, this is my life." He declared, "So, sit back and hear the tale of Sun Wukong, Monkey King of the streets of Vaccuo and his Journey to the West."

The bastard had waited for me to take a sip and I snorted banana smoothie. This would be fun.

_*bana\na*

AN

Thanks for the positive reviews and favs, they really pumped me up for getting this updated earlier, so keep 'em comin'.

I always pictured Neptune as a guy who learned about social engineering, decided to become a pickup artist and has no idea what to do if a girl actually reciprocates. From the little we see in the show he's really almost as socially inept as Jaune.

A couple reveals here, keep in mind Neo finds Sun a source of amusement here, no romantic intentions… yet.

Thank you for reading.

Review, Fav and Follow if you want more!

-Edgy


	3. Growing Pains

**Edgy here,**

 **I've been sitting on this one for awhile. Here we start getting into some subplot silliness. Enjoy!**

 **#**

 **As always keep in mind this story has some adult themes and cursing galore. The characters should not be too OOC, just keep in mind whose head we are in at the time. Ships, both crack and otherwise abound.**

 ****DISCLAIMER****

 **I DO NOT OWN RWBY. It is the creation of Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

_Ban/ana

Chapter 3: Growing Pains

I knew something is wrong. I mean, I was passed out in bed for two weeks after the Battle of Beacon. Everyone told me about the giant silver flash when I got to the top of the tower, and Pyrrha gave me an idea of what I saw, but, ...shoot! I can't remember anything. Apparently I have some super secret power in my silver eyes and no one wants to tell me about it! Argh!

I'm also still exhausted half the time and sooooo hungry. Luckily, I found this Awesome! Ice cream place. Well, I didn't find it, Jaune found it, but Anyway. I have dubbed it THE official team RWBY after school hangout spot!

I think that the waitress lady is so cool! She says that she makes all the ice cream herself. When I asked if I could help her she said something about child labor laws. I tried to tell her that I was 16 now, and a Huntress-in-training, so that wouldn't be a problem. Yang pulled me back to say I couldn't work at a place that served alcohol.

Ugh, I'm 16 not 6.

It's also the only place I have been able to see Jaune lately. He and Pyrrha had begun dating which was totally awesome and good for him since he had a girlfriend now and stuff. Except, he spends SO much time with her. When he wasn't training with her or doing school work with her to catch up or taking her out on dates or just hanging out with her….well, he was always WITH her ya'know.

Anywho, I finally got time with my best guy friend when we had to take our leadership class. I had told Pyrrha it would be boring for her since she's not a team leader and Jaune agreed. We decided to "convene" our study sessions at Candy's.( I heard Weiss use that word and it sounded super official so I stole it.)

"So, Jaune how has your training been coming along? I haven't seen you fight in a while." I asked because, ... well YOU think of a better way to start a conversation.

His mop of blonde hair rose from his notes, "Oh, uh, I've been working on some of the advanced sword forms, but I'm not as acrobatic as Pyrrha."

He scratched the back of his head with his pencil, "Plus I still don't have a ranged option, all I have is Crocea Mors." He shrugged, "I doubt I'll be beating any of you guys in a spar anytime soon."

Hmm, it sounds like he is stuck in a rut. I remember what Qrow told me when that happened in my training.

#

"Everyone hits a wall at some time when trying to figure out something, 's the point where you have to stop what you've been trying and find a way to make it yours. Change it up, add new and exciting moves, find out what works for you."

#

Maybe it was time to offer up the services of Ruby Rose, Weaponsmithing Prodigy, to my friend. After all if I can't figure out these stupid silver eyes powers, I can do something I know.

I sharpened my expression and gave my best "serious" face. "Jaune Arc it is time you learned about projectile weapons and created a masterpiece of lethality."

He looked dazed "Huh"

I sighed " I'm going to help you make a weapon that is also a gun."

He finally nodded as if in understanding. Then he actually processed the information. His eyes grew wide, "You will?"

"Of course, what are best friends with sniper-scythes for?" I responded.

_ Ban/ana

"Minty" leaned over the bar, head propped up on elbows, watching the daily entertainment I called "Red and Friends."

Ye gods Red and that Arc kid are the most socially awkward pair I've seen since Emerald and Mercury had to pretend to be married to escape Vale. Yeah I watched them get away, not like I was about to hand them in myself.

The girl was awful at conversation. The wannabe Knight was clueless and not at all perceptive. Seriously you train all the time with your girlfriend who is a champion at competitive combat and you don't have a good gauge of where you are against your peers? Really? The kid was definitely beefier than before the shit hit the fan even though he was hiding it under that hoodie. Where was Nikos anyway? Usually he was attached to her like a limpet.

Well, Red spends enough here on that black hole she called a stomach I could let them slide a little longer before I force another order on them.

_ Ban/ana

Ruby had offered to help me make a ranged weapon.

I didn't know what to think. I hadn't discussed any change of my style or weaponry with Pyrrha recently. I mean was it ok for me to decide this without asking how it would affect her training plan? Every time I mentioned getting a ranged weapon she said it wouldn't fit my style. But if Ruby could help me get a separate weapon, I wouldn't have to worry about messing up my lessons, right? I could just have a ranged weapon for backup and Pyrrha would be fine with it.

"You will?" I finally said.

She just gave me her million lumen smile and said, "Of course, what are best friends with sniper-scythes for?"

I smiled back nervously, "Um, we aren't going to need to make anything that complicated, right? I mean it's just got to be able to shoot right?"

Her smile faded a bit. Her lip stuck out. Her eyes verged on tears.

I sweatdropped. "O-of course I'll also need to make sure it can be a backup melee weapon. Just in case."

She returned to full brightness, like a cloud had just passed over the sun.

"A-and maybe we can just not tell Pyrrha about it? I mean it could be a surprise! Once we have it done I bet she'll be proud of my initiative. Maybe we can add target practice to my training." I said not really knowing why I felt the need to justify making this decision.

"Jaune have you ever handled a gun before?" Ruby asked while pulling out a protractor and pencil.

"Eh, no not really. I wanted an air rifle when I was a kid but my mom kept saying that I'd shoot my eye out. I was kinda good with foam dart guns though."

She had begun sketching, but stopped to give me a serious look that made me think of a puppy that was mad that I wouldn't throw the tennis ball it brought me.

"Guns are not toys, Jaune." She said sternly. "I will help you make this ONLY if you let me teach you about safety and train you. Besides we will need to go to the range to figure out what kind of gun and what caliber best suit you." The puppy face was back and I knew there would be no argument.

" Okay, okay you'll teach me. I just don't want you to expect me to be that great a shot. After all the training I've done with Crocea Mors and everything I don't want you to waste your time if I don't catch on easily." I blurted out. I don't want her to waste time on me if I'd be as bad at shooting as I am at fighting.

"When I am done with you, you'll be able to hit the sweet spot every time you shoot. No matter how hard I have to ride you, when you shoot you'll think of my lessons. And we'll make a baby that'll blow your mind!" She said grinning and huffing a little, like she was out of breath.

"WHAT!?" I yelped in a manly way."Ruby I thought we were talking about making me a weapon not..that. Yang would kill me, but only after Pyrrha and before Weiss. Then Nora would just want a turn on principle. I don't want to die!"

She shook her head and looked up at me confused. The waitress was leaning over the counter looking at us with a Cheshire grin. I think Ruby must have gone back over what she said in her head because she suddenly turned the same color as her cape.

"That's not what I meant! ImeanCresentRoseismybabyandyouwantedmyhelptomakeaweaponsotechnicallyitwouldbebothofusmakingitanditwouldbeourbabyandIwanttoteachyoutoshoot…" Ruby continued to blather as I sat there realizing she and I had been having the same conversation all along. I sighed in relief that she hadn't suddenly gotten the urge to jump my bones.

I reached out and ruffled her hair like I used to when my sisters would get worked up about something. "I think I get it Craterface. " I gave her an understanding smile.

She huffed at me and went back to her drawing. The waitress walked up and looked over our table. "You two look like you are having a good time. How about I get Miss Red Hood a bowl of her favorite and whatever you would like. After all a gentleman should treat the girls he spends time with, especially with what I heard you two discussing." She winked at me and Ruby perked up at hearing the offer then blushed again at the implication.

"N-no we're not like that! He's just my first and best guy friend. He has a girlfriend!"

"Oh, I remember," the Waitress hummed and turned to me, " you are always in here with Pyrrha Nikos. Hmm, I thought you were her valet or something. "

I couldn't help but sigh. It wasn't the first time I was mistaken for some servant in my girlfriend's employ. Or there was that one time I was mistaken for a training dummy.

"Well, still a gentleman wouldn't mind buying his friend some refreshment, would he?" She looked at me and suddenly I knew what a shark's dinner felt before it went in for the kill.

"Hmm, I wonder why the "Invincible Girl" isn't here with you now. It'd be a shame for the press to hear about her boyfriend running around with female 'friends' behind her back."

I sighed and pulled out my wallet. "She'll have a Strawberry Cookie Sundae Delight and I'll have two scoops of Pumpkin ice cream topped with some Pumpkin Pete's."

"Okay so her usual and an A1C booster for you coming right up." the waitress smiled as she spun around.

"So, uh, Rubes how long do you think it will take to teach me the basics and make the thing?"I asked.

She looked up at me, tongue sticking out the side of her mouth in concentration. "Well, if we have a 'Leadership' meeting a couple of days a week for 2 or 3 hours? I'd say we could get you at an acceptable proficiency by Spring."

"Okay, I just hope Pyrrha's not too upset." I absentmindedly murmured the last part.

_Ban/ana

AN

 **So J-man is whipped, Ruby is plotting to spend more time with the blonde goofball and Neo is a passive-aggressive salesperson.**

 **Does Jaune not give his girlfriend enough credit? Will Ruby go overboard with making his weapon? Eh, we'll see.**

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **Review, Fav and Follow if you want more!**

 **-Edgy**


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